


exbros

by ebstan



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, M/M, OT12 - Freeform, Texting, a mess, text fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-01-10 05:10:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12291972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ebstan/pseuds/ebstan
Summary: this is an exo gc, what do you expect it's gonna happen???





	1. sehun's mad (and whipped)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first time trying something like this, hope u enjoy it
> 
> names:
> 
> soodone - kyungsoo  
> pcwhy - chanyeol  
> baekyunnie - baekhyun  
> zyxzjs - yixing  
> jongddaee - jongdae  
> lil kitten - minseok  
> cute maknae - sehun  
> chicken nugget - jongin  
> your parent - junmyeon  
> lulu - luhan  
> galaxy-nim - yifan  
> gucci bitch - zitao

** exbros **

**cute maknae**

okay fuckers

who did it?

 

**pcwhy**

did what

 

**cute maknae**

don't come at me with the "did what" hyung

i know someone here did it

and i'll kill whoever did it when i find out

 

**zyxzjs**

alright sehun, time to take a nap, you can sleep in my room if u want to :-)

 

**cute maknae**

i won't take a nap until i find out who did it

 

**baekhyunnie**

yixing hyunggggg can i go instead?

 

**zyxzjs**

well i hope you find whoever did whatever you're talking about ☺️

and of course baek!!! :-)

 

**baekhyunnie**

see u never losers

 

**zyxzjs**

but you'll see me now...???

 

**baekhyunnie**

that doesn't include u hyung, you're not a loser compared to these ppl

 

**gucci bitch**

know what???? you're loser-er

 

**zyxzjs**

awww thank u baek ☺️

 

**cute maknae**

going back to the only important matter, me

who the fuck did it

 

**lil kitten**

first of all, you wish

and second, if you don't tell us what happened then how the fuck are we supposed to know?

 

**cute maknae**

I KNOW SOMEONE DID IT

CAN THE CAUSER OF MY ANGER AND URGE TO KILL COME HERE SO I CAN KILL HIM

 

**jongddaee**

sehun just tell us what happened we can't read your fucking mind

 

**lulu**

thank god we can't

 

**cute maknae**

WHO FUCKING STOLE MY FAVOURITE SWEATER /AND/ USED MY MAKEUP

I WILL KILL YOU ALL IF NO ONE COMES OUT

I SWEAR TO ALL THE GODS THERE ARE

 

**chicken nugget**

uhm sehunnie?

pls dont kill me

 

**chicken nugget**

i took your makeup bc of a bet with soo hyung

whoever lost had to do the other's makeup

 

**soodone**

needless to say, i won

 

**cute maknae**

oh

why the sweater tho

 

**chicken nugget**

idk i liked it so i took it

 

**cute maknae**

alr8 just turn it back asap

 

**gucci bitch**

whipped

 

**cute maknae**

shut up you troll looking bitch

 

**gucci bitch**

at least i have dignity

 

**galaxy-nim**

nah you dont

 

**lulu**

yo yifan is here wow what happened to u man are u ok

 

**galaxy-nim**

im ok dont worry children

 

**pcwhy**

anyway, im with soo and jongin

and he looks like a fucking clown

pennywise who??????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi im here i cant even continue my other fic but here i am doing a text fic because im trashy
> 
> anyway, i wanted to tell u that i'll try to upload the baekxing hogwarts au fic this month if possible
> 
> okay bye see u soon


	2. girl groups

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> girl groups and kyungsoo don't get along and less when it's 3 am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had this chapter written and because I wrote it on my phone I accidentally turned back and as the dumb ass bitch i am i didnt save it and it all got deleted as if it never existed
> 
> but here's a try of recreating that amazing chapter I wrote rip

**exbros **

**soodone**

who is playing girl groups' hit songs at 3 in the fucking am

 

**your parent**

kyungsoo language

 

**soodone**

hyung, with all my respect, language can suck my ass right now

i'm 100% sure either baekhyun or jongdae are behind this

 

**baekhyunnie**

i can't believe you've done this

i trusted you soo

and you go and stab me in the back with those harsh words

 

**pcwhy**

my, soo and jongin's room is literally beside yours baek

just turn down the volume would you

if you don't let kyungsoo sleep he's gonna start hitting me

and im too young to die

 

**baekhyunnie**

you too chanyeol????????? I have -0 friends

 

**lulu**

you know -0 doesn't exist right?

 

**lil kitten**

someone stop that music or else i'll fucking destroy your faces

 

**jongddaee**

what are you talking about what happened why are yall up so late why is dumb dumb by red velvet playing so fucking loud

 

**lil kitten**

you woke up to someone saying "dumb" repeatedly? not surprised

 

**baekhyunnie**

but in all seriousness tho

im awake because of the music too

it's coming from junmyeon and sehun's room i wanna kill them

 

**gucci bitch**

murder is a much formal word to use in these situations

 

**lulu**

since when do you even use proper grammar

 

**gucci bitch**

for ur information, my grammar is as perfect as yixing hyung's cooking, bitch

 

**lulu**

so mediocre

 

**zyxzjs**

:-(

 

**baekhyunnie**

now you made him sad, well done hyung

 

**soodone**

so baekhyun, you're telling me that neither you or jongdae have something to do with this?

suspicious

chanyeol go check if baekhyun is right

 

**pcwhy**

why me

 

**soodone**

do you want a chair thrown to your face?

 

**pcwhy**

im going

 

**baekhyunnie**

i'm telling u it's their fault

i havent seen jongdae since he brought me a video game like four hours ago

 

**lil kitten**

you fucking hope you havent because if u did and have been playing that loud ass music you will forget your own name from the brain damage you're gonna get after i beat you up

 

**jongddaee**

wow that's scary

but it kinda turned me on

 

**baekhyunnie**

disgusting

but im afraid of minseok hyung someone put him to bed i dont wanna die :-(

 

**pcwhy**

can we just

talk about

what i just saw and witnessed

with my own two eyes

im traumatized for life

 

**lulu**

from 1 to catching jongin masturbating to straight sex, how bad is it?

 

**jongddaee**

really jongin? straight sex? that's low man, really low

 

**pcwhy**

worse way worse

also im disappointed jongin

i just saw junmyeon hyung

dancing to dumb dumb

AND IF THAT WASN'T TRAUMATIZING ENOUGH

he was trying to act cute

i almost vomited

 

**your parent**

whenever i look at you i almost vomit too

 

**gucci bitch**

bUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURN BWITCJ

 

**baekhyunnie**

OUR DAD HAS TURNED INTO A SAVAGE

 

**jongddaee**

damn i can hear chanyeol sobbing from minseok hyung's room

 

**soodone**

good one hyung, really proud

what are you doing in minseok hyung's room anyways?

 

**jongddaee**

someone had to calm his ass and try to put him to sleep

 

**lil kitten**

still trying that last part tho

 

**cute maknae**

hi hoes

we turned off the music why are yall still awake

 

**soodone**

i would kill you if you weren't my favourite member

but i'm just gonna send yall to sleep because if you don't, expect chairs being thrown at you

 

**pcwhy**

is being aggressive contagious???

because i suddenly want to throw a chair at sehun

 

**cute maknae**

hate me 'cause you ain't me bitch

 

**lulu**

I hate all of you

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chanyeol is the one word per text kinda guy so if there's a lot chanyeol it's because he just can't text like a normal person it's ok baby it happens to all of us
> 
> also, jongin was asleep during all of this


	3. someone's dead?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sehun sends a text to the wrong chat and no one knows what the fuck is going on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly what the hell is this ugh

**exbros**

**cute maknae**

i can surely assure you he's 90% dead

shit wrong chat

 

**jongddaee**

what the fuck sehun

 

**your parent**

language, sehun

 

**baekhyunnie**

well thank god someone talked here

because this was being as dead as sehun can assure that man is

 

**pcwhy**

what if he was talking about his dick?

 

**soodone**

would make sense since it's been forever since he last got laid

 

**jongddaee**

oh my-

 

**pcwhy**

his balls probably have spiderwebs and his dick is as dry as the sahara lmao

 

**cute maknae**

first of all, rude

and second and last of all, since when do you write like kyungsoo hyung ???

 

**jongddaee**

oh god

 

**baekhyunnie**

what if kyungsoo stole his phone during his nap and is now using his?????

does that count as robbery????

 

**gucci bitch**

oh my god is kyungsoo going to jail??

 

**zyxzjs**

:o kyungsoo no!!!! :( we'll save you from jail i promise !!!

 

**chicken nugget**

yall dumb as fuck

kyungsoo hyung wouldn't just steal someone's phone, he'd ask for it and when they don't give it to him, he'd hit them till they do

 

**soodone**

accurate, but wrong

it's actually chanyeol lol

[photo attached: chansoo_selca.jpg]

 

**gucci bitch**

omg chanyeol are you ok we're gonna make sure you get out alive ok trust us

 

**pcwhy**

last time i trusted one of you i ended up with a broken laptop and my chocolate milk spilled all over the floor

I won't put my trust in any of you ever again

 

**baekhyunnie**

i tOLD YOU THE CHOCOLATE MILK WAS AN ACCIDENT I DIDN'T MEAN TO SPILL IT

 

**pcwhy**

BUT YOU DID

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY HOURS I CRIED AFTER THAT??????

 

**jongddaee**

you literally cried for less than two minutes shut up you dramatic bitch

 

**pcwhy**

still, chocolate milk is the best drink ever

 

**lulu**

now I get why you're a lightweight

 

**lil kitten**

is anyone else wondering who the hell was the 90% dead person sehun was talking about???

 

**galaxy-nim**

nah

 

**your parent**

this family is a mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rlly short and im so sorry for that :-( I started this thinking I would be able to at least update weekly but here i am almost a month later lmao
> 
> also, bc i was bored i wrote a +11k chansoo fanfic and i still have to edit it all bc im a mess and can't do anything perfect at the first try
> 
> anyway I hope you found this at least a tiny bit funny
> 
> pd: I got the idea for the text sehun sent from this tumblr post http://inhibitme.tumblr.com/post/161369266510/random-prompt-starters


	4. yifan's bday (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sehun is drunk and no one remembers yifan's birthday (unless junmyeon, kyungsoo and yixing)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was supposed to be uploaded on yifan's birthday but im a mess and can't do anything in time

** exbros **

**cute maknae**

hi lityr shhitus

im dubnik talk rio mre

whatr Re yu dung

 

**gucci bitch**

youre drunk wihtout me????????

what kind of best friend do u think u are

 

**cute maknae**

notd yrus

 

**pcwhy**

ooooOOOOO BOI

 

**jongddaee**

wpirjfvoethn poor tao

 

**zitao**

its ok

his words cant hurt me these shades are gucci

 

**lulu**

and fake

just like you

 

**galaxy-nim**

ya idiot you should've waited till tomorrow so im too drunk to even take care of you doing stupid things

 

**baekhyunnie**

why tomorrow tho

 

**jongddaee**

yeah that

 

**galaxy-nim**

?????

tomorrow's my birthday dumbass

 

**[private chat: baekhyunnie, jongddaee]**

**baekhyunnie**

fuckfuckfuckfuckuvjcj

jongdae fuck jsb

i didint remmber tomrowo was hyungs bday fuchncjwrkb

i didnt get hijn anythng

whast if he hates mehmivw

like,,,,, forerve

 

**jongddaee**

i didnt either sifrhmogc

we're fucked baek

shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

 

**[baekhyunnie created a new group]**

**[baekhyunnie added jongddaee, pcwhy, soodone, gucci bitch, your parent, cute maknae, lulu, lil kitten, chicken nugget, zyxzjs]**

**[baekhyunnie changed the name to yifan's bday]**

 

**baekhyunnie**

guysdj

jongdae and i forgot that tomrorow was hyungs birthday

do u got anythng for hijm????

 

**chicken nugget**

wait what

its tomorrow????

fuck i should look at the date more often

i got nothing

 

**gucci bitch**

shhhhhhIIIIIIIITTTTTTTT

I FORGOTIEONRS

 

**lulu**

fuckkkkkk

me too

 

**pcwhy**

oh so this was what i forgot

 

**soodone**

how can you be that fucking dumb chanyeol

sucks for you all but I did remember and already bought him a birthday present like the good dongsaeng I am

 

**your parent**

this is why he's my favourite child

he's responsible

not like all of you who don't have shit for yifan

 

**zyxzjs**

but i do have a present :-(

 

**your parent**

you're my second favourite child

 

**zyxzjs**

:-) !!!!

 

**baekhyunnie**

cute

aNywAY who else doesnt have a present???????

 

**cute maknae**

me bitch tf

 

**lil kitten**

wait for real?

me neither what the fuck

we should do something for him

anyone up for buying him presents now?????

 

**lulu**

yeah we should

and no minseok its literally midnight theres nothing open

 

**cute maknae**

other than your mom's legs

 

_[read by 10 users]_

 

**lil kitten**

...moving on

what about tomorrow?

 

**pcwhy**

im up

 

**jongddae**

same here

 

**lulu**

^

 

**gucci bitch**

^^

 

**chicken nugget**

^^^

 

**cute maknae**

^^^^

 

**baekhyunnie**

^^^^^

 

**soodone**

god you're so annoying

what about junmyeon hyung, yixing hyung and me????

 

**baekhyunnie**

you could come with us

 

**your parent**

yeah i pass

 

**soodone**

me too

 

**zyxzjs**

i want to!!! :)

 

**baekhyunnie**

only yixing hyung loves us

 

**zyxzjs**

yeah ily <3

 

**lulu**

i can hear baekhyun screaming from my room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey i changed the way to write the texts if you didnt notice???? i hope yall like this way better since its more comfortable for me to write them and put the bold and shit,,,
> 
> anyways, kai's teaser for their japan debut was uploaded while i was sleeping and sm town didnt even try to send me a notif so i saw it on instagram and my jaw almost dislocated herself but yeAH im rlly excited,,,
> 
> goodbyeeeeee see u later i'll post the next part probably today or tomorrow bc fREE TIME YAY


	5. yifan's bday (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> leaving their house shouldn't be so difficult

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeaaaaaaaaaaaah idk

** yifan's bday **

**lulu**

is everyone ready? we leave in 5

 

**chicken nugget**

uh?????

where????

 

**soodone**

how can someone be so fucking dumb

i thought no one could surpass chanyeol but i guess you learn something new every day

 

**lulu**

to buy yifan ge's birthday present dumbass

my goodness someone go to his room and fully wake him up

 

**cute maknae**

omw

 

**gucci bitch**

uuuuuUUUuuUuuUH

 

**cute maknae**

literally shut up

 

**zyxzjs**

i'm with baek waiting !!!

he's been hugging me for like ten minutes but it's ok his hair smells good

 

**pcwhy**

not to be that gay person

but thats relationship goals (even if u're not in one??? idek anymore)

i love it

 

**zyxzjs**

hahaha we're not in one chanyeollie :')

 

**jongddaee**

u need dick chanyeol

 

**pcwhy**

so do u shut up

 

**lil kitten**

god you're so annoying

we're fucking leaving if any of you all stay behind i won't give a single fuck

 

**baekhyunnie**

minseok hyung: if any of you all stay behind i won't give a single fuck

also minseok hyung: gives the most emotional speeches ever when he's drunk

 

**lil kitten**

get out of your bed i'm going to beat your ass

and someone please tell jongin to get out of his room he spends more time there than with us

 

**soodone**

chanyeol is ready, he started yelling my name 3 minutes ago

 

**jongddaee**

that early?

 

**your parent**

when are you not horny, ffs it's not even 9 am

 

**jongddaee**

whenever i see ur face

 

**soodone**

junmyeon hyung you should just retire

 

**your parent**

ouch

 

**gucci bitch**

finally sehun and jongin are ready wtf happened in their room

 

**jongddaee**

you're too young to know

 

**pcwhy**

thank god we're not there @ kyungsoo

 

**gucci bitch**

i'm literally a year older than them u dumbass

 

**jongddaee**

if you two fucked everyone would know since you're so fucking loud

 

**pcwhy**

did u just call me a bottom??????????

 

**jongddaee**

yeah

what are u gonna do, punch me????

u tall giraffe

 

**gucci bitch**

just so u know

kyungsoo is shook

and blushing

 

**soodone**

i hope everyone said their last goodbyes to tao since i'm going to fucking kill him

 

**lulu**

can we leave please

 

**your parent**

my goodness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> almost half a month later and here i am,,,,, i hate myself too dont worry ure not alone
> 
> this is it bc dragging it would be too much and something too long??? anyway basically they buy him dumb things and everyone gets drunk and shit tHeYRe aDuLTs leT thEM BE
> 
> i did this pretty long bc i've been missing ok


	6. kim jongtter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> harry potter is bi and someone here might be as well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> doing this because i can and i want to (and i miss harry potter)

** exbros **

**jongddaee**

yall some dude just told me i look like harry potter

how should i take that

 

**soodone**

as a compliment

 

**pcwhy**

i agree with kyungsoo

dude you're getting dick tonight

 

**jongddaee**

bro

tf

how many times do i have to tell u i'm not gay

 

**soodone**

no offense jongdae but, seeing as a guy told you you look like harry potter, that means three things:

one, he's a fan of harry potter

two, he's telling you he wants your dick

and three, he senses the bisexual vibes within you

 

**lulu**

that's the most messages kyungsoo has sent at a time ever in his life

 

**soodone**

literally shut the fuck up

 

**lulu**

ya i'm older than you

 

**soodone**

literally shut the fuck up, hyung*

 

**baekhyunnie**

jdjdjfsjfhskdj

kyungsoo's right tho

it's okay to be a little gay bro

ain't that right chanyeol

 

**pcwhy**

chanyeol? i haven't heard that name in years

 

**jongddaee**

i don't like dudes

sorry to ruin your fantasies

i'm just gonna say thanks

 

* * *

 

private chat: jongddaee, your parent

**jongddaee**

hyung

have you read the chat??????

 

**your parent**

yeah

anything wrong jongdae?

 

**jongddaee**

so uhm idk how to say this

but kyungsoo was kinda right

like,, not everything just points 1 and 2 were correct

 

**your parent**

how come?

 

**jongddaee**

so i was talking to the guy

and ofc he was a harry potter fan

i mean he even told me he was a ravenclaw i mean who tf is in that house

 

**your parent**

i am

and so are minseok and kyungsoo

 

**jongddaee**

looks like you guys already had that conversation, this is betrayal

anyways back to the story

so the guy was smirking at me the whole time?????? and he kept complimenting my hair which isn't that big of a deal really because everyone loves my hair already

and suddenly he asked me on a date???? like, all of a sudden he held my hand gently and asked me to go to the cinema with him next friday even if we barely just met

when i told him i wasnt into dudes he got so shocked

he asked if i was kidding and said sorry and left

 

**your parent**

and what is wrong with all of that???

i appreciate the confidence you have with me really

but you could have easily said on the group chat

 

**jongddaee**

i dont know hyung

the thing is,, i didn't really want him to leave

but it feels wrong to feel like that

is it?

 

**your parent**

it isn't my dear

jongdae, feelings are feelings.

it's okay if you feel something for a man that is love/sex related.

it's also okay if you love both and everything there is and isn't in between.

don't overthink about things like this, everything will be put in its own place someday.

the guys and i will be by your side when you got it all figured out

 

**jongddaee**

aaaah hyung you got all sappy

 

**your parent**

sigh

 

**jongddaee**

...

ily <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> imagine blonde minseok as draco,,,,,,,,, yeah
> 
> it's been like what???? a month since i last updated???? so many things happened ever since. jonghyun happened. i hope he rests in peace forever. also there's drama with baekhyun and misheard/translated shit that got out of hands. exo-ls, copy links, report and find ways to notify sm of this. armys (if there's any), stay out of it as much as you can because they're also dragging us (im also an army) in this mess. i won't say anything else about this topic, it's sad enough that baekhyun had to apoligize for something he didn't do because of the hate everyone sent him.
> 
> anyway, i hope you enjoy this and don't get angry at me for being the worst fanfic writer ever lol.
> 
> ps: i think it's kinda related to this and even if u dont care, i came out to my family as bi! i'm rlly happy and it feels kinda weird to not hide myself anymore, but like the good kind of weird. let's wish for a 2018 where lgbt folks can be free in their own homes! <3
> 
> ps2: please ravenclaws don't kill me i know what it's like to be in a house everyone either understimates or doesn't know about it (hufflepuff right here ;-;)
> 
> ps3: i'll write more of this because bi!jongdae is my biggest weakness. that said, i hope yall start writing him as bisexual more often. # bisexuals deserve better 2k18


End file.
